Dealing With Grief During the Holidays

It’s hard when you are dealing with grief during the holidays. Grief is hard enough. Then you add the cheer that’s all around you.

When my husband died on Thanksgiving, I remember going Christmas Shopping in early December. People were so happy and cheerful. I felt so alone. Nobody could even come close to understanding the loneliness and sadness I was feeling.

As hard as it was I had to just go on and remember that the people around me don’t know what happened to me. And they should be enjoying the holidays.

As much as I wanted to I couldn’t. It was everything I could do to go out in public without crying. But I managed. The one thing I learned is that people didn’t understand and I unfortunately had to just deal with it. Sure I could have played the violin but I knew that there was no way for people to know or understand unless they were in my shoes.

I learned early on that you can’t fault people for not understanding and that even though I was the one grieving I had to give people the benefit of the doubt.

My saving grace was that I went to a bereavement group. That helped keep me from feeling so alone even though I was. Don’t get me wrong, there were people around. My parents even came in and stayed with me for a while. But I the alone is the feeling inside. You can be in a crowded room and feel alone. That’s when I learned the true meaning of feeling alone.

So what do you do over the holidays? Well it’s not easy, but you have to give yourself permission to change your mind. You may feel great today but not tomorrow. The best thing to do is to make plans with the preface that you may not feel up to it that day. Knowing that you have plans and that it’s ok to change your mind makes all the difference in the world.

You will be surprised at how much people will understand. I always tell people that they can use me. You can too. If you have plans and you decide last minute you aren’t up for it, tell them Jackie gave you permission to change your mind for at least one year after your loss.

Remember, dealing with grief over the holidays is hard, but not impossible. Keep your chin up and do the best you can.

Don’t Talk Politics

I was with my in-laws today. We all get along well. We laugh and pick on each other. But there’s one subject that is Taboo. You guessed it, politics, don’t talk politics.

I myself can talk both politics and religion. I’m open minded and listen without judgement. I always want others to do the same to me when we talk either of those.

When I left today my Brother-in-law told me to listen to Rush Limbaugh. He wants me to listen to what he has to say and then research it. I wouldn’t have a problem with that, but I don’t think that people realize that I have done research but I’m not one to argue or debate. People get to heated.

Here’s my thoughts. I’ve never told him how I feel, who I voted for or what I believe. Well, maybe some small inklings of what’s inside my mind. I’ve listened to both sides and can see how people would believe things in either direction. But most of the time when I have these conversations with people they don’t really want to hear what I think or what I have to say, they just want me to listen to what they have to say. And if I don’t agree the conversation gets heated. That is a huge turn off and makes me want to run in the other direction.

I’m not the only one that feels that way. I’ve had this very conversation with other people and it’s not about the political issues but how some people don’t want to hear anything you have to say, even if they do agree.
And after all the listening I do look into things, I know what I believe and don’t believe. I just don’t talk politics. Especially if I don’t get to have my opinion.

I know things are going on in the world that aren’t pleasant, I know something needs to be done about it. But the bigger question is, what should be done.
Another point, there is so much going on and the government does know. They do have to be careful what they tell the population because people may panic. And, if they do tell us what’s going on and what they are doing to stop things then we’d be tipping off the people that shouldn’t know what we are doing.

My mother just went to Israel and said that people just live their lives because they won’t let fear keep them from living their lives. I live that way to some extent. I won’t purposely through myself in front of the train but I will get on the train. I don’t want anyone to get the best of me.

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Feeling That Holiday Spirit

As I sit and wrap gifts I am really feeling that holiday spirit. In my house, nobody really wants much nor do we need much. So we are decorating and I am looking forward to making cookies, spending time with family and friends.

We’ve already started driving around looking at the lights around the neighborhoods. It’s great the was some people go all out. Other’s decorate more conservative yet beautifully. There are those tacky homes too. But love them all!

Each one is enjoyable in its own right. My older Son got this light that changes colors. He doesn’t want to put lights out front because it would take away from that one. I think he has a point. He’s the one that loves to decorate and make things look good for any holiday.

Knowing that we don’t want or need much is a nice feeling. That means we are in a good place in life. So many have hard times during the holidays. I don’t want to jinx it, but I just want everyone to feel content.

While I’m sitting here, I’m thinking about the fact that I’m pretty much done with my shopping and close to done wrapping. It’s a feeling of being content. On top of that I am sitting here in shorts and a tank top. Love it. The weather is beautiful. It was about 70 today. It’s been that way for about a week.

My mom is coming to visit next week. I hope the weather holds out for her. She would love that. Even if it went down to the 50s I know she’d be happy. I’m looking forward to the holidays this year and I hope you are too. Enjoy what you have and send love into the world and especially for those that need it.

I hope you are feeling that holiday spirit. Think about what you can do to enjoy the holidays! That’s what the holidays should be about.

My Challenge Progress

On my 30 days of content challenge I’m just plugging away. I’m at day 25. Yup, I’m on the home stretch. I’ve gotten just about all of my blogs written and posted. I’ve done 18 posts to date so have a little bit of catching up to do.

My hope is that my blog is helpful for people. Many blogs have a purpose and some a goal. My main goal and purpose is to help others by sharing my knowledge and experiences.

I’ve had fun doing this challenge. I’ve been able to write on a number of topics and that is helping me narrow down what I want to blog about.

I will continue to post and try new things until I narrow down what I see as most helpful. Now I’m posting everyday, or at least trying too. I’ll play catch up over the next few days and will post several more. I do have to tell you how much fun this has been. I’ve gotten feedback from several people and it’s all been positive.

If you’ve been interested in my blog or have a blog or want to give blogging a try, I am happy to help you. Just sign up for my blog via email. Then let me know by private messaging me or sending me a private email and we can talk. I will get in touch with you once I have my challenge done and a few things tweaked.

Once I finish this challenge I will start working on improving my blog on both the content and the visual. I will probably try video blogging too. I’m so excited and hope you’ll sign up on the main page of my blog. If you can’t figure it out, let me know and I’ll put you on the list.